I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
God I need to hump something, right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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