I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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