Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
