We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
