Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Damn victory sex feels great
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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