it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
