I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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