Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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