i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
