Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I'm really busy with my period
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