38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
