none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize