i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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