so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
