Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
