Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
