So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
