I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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