Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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