What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
