After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
