All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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