Don't you send me to vm
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
