I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.