I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
