her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think i have herpe
just one?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
