Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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