he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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