I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize