ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
