i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Terrible idea I love it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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