DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
