I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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