I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
