The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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