he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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