3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
