if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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