Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
