We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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