Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
