can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
