I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
