So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
