HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
