Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everclear isn't food dammit
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
