he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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