is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
