He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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