Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
