We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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