i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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