Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
