Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
