I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
