I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
not ubering you a puppy
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
