Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Four minutes until I can fart!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
