college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
