Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
