i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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