just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
