I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I party with great urgency now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
